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So You Have a Low-Frustration Tolerance, Demanding Child?

I Love You So Big! Blog – Lynne Namka, © 2011-13

“You don’t always get what you want. You don’t always get what you want … You get what you need.” – Line from a Rolling Stones song

Children and their feelings and their tempers! Do you have a kid who is super sensitive who blows up every time you say “no”, which is numerous times a day because he constantly asks for ridiculous things. Welcome to the teen years! If you have more than one offspring, chances are one child will have the mindset of gimme gimme. The children that learn to beg successfully and wear their parents down grow up to be telemarketers.

demanding child

Do you have a demanding child who is super sensitive who blows up every time you say NO. You need a different set of parenting skills to deal with this challenging type of youngster.

You need a different set of parenting skills to deal with this challenging type of youngster. So here is the basic philosophy that could come from your mouth to teach your demanding child about the realities of the cold, hard world.

“How happy you are is related to how you think about things. Life is a series of decisions that are based on your goals. You could have a goal to get a new “whatever.” You could put your energy in demanding you get it. Perhaps you do. Are you any happier or is that material goal just replaced by a new demand – you expect a new “whatever.” An important goal is to get a better life for yourself. Focus on what works that you can control to get this happy life.

So, darling child of mine, here it is in a nutshell: Sometimes you can get what you want. Sometimes you don’t. Tough beans. That’s life. If you interpret things more realistically, you will be more likely to get what is important to you. Behavior is a product of thinking! How you think determines how you react. See things how they are instead of insisting your expectations be met on how you want them to be. Learn this well and you will save yourself a lot of grief.

Often the failure to get what you want is a result of unrealistic expectations and faulty thinking. Thoughts mess you up! Thoughts go into feelings, which then go into actions. Sometimes you distort your perceptions and make assumptions that are not really true. Assumptions are merely speculations you make up in your mind. Here is a newsflash! Modify your thinking and you will feel and act differently.

Analyze the situation. What did you want to have happen? Is it a realistic outcome given the other person’s point of view? Is it an attainable outcome given the other person’s wants and needs? Why should you get what you are demanding?

Ask, “What are you choosing to do to make what you want happen?

How could you have acted to make your desired outcome more likely?

Is what you are doing helping or hurting your chances of getting what you want?

Have your unrealistic expectations hijacked your common sense?

At times, the failure to get what you want is based on your misperceptions and expectations of other people. You look through dark sunglasses and distort what is really there.

What happened?

Did you get what you wanted?

What did you do?

What happened then? Evaluate your thinking and your actions. Did you get what you wanted?

Did your actions get you closer to your goal?

Did your thinking get you what you wanted?

Did your interpretations and expectations help you get to where you want to go?

Did your anger or victim thoughts take you off course from your goal?

Let’s make a plan. How could you think differently so that you could be happier with yourself?

Are you willing to make a commitment to yourself to act in ways that are in your best interests?”

After finishing this list, reach out and hug your child. The sense of touch is so important to a child in their feeling like they truly belong to the family. Being touched through gentle pats, hugs, high fives and smile give children a sense of security. So, as the song says, “Reach out and touch someone.”

We all need a little TLC. Reach out with love to show your child that your love is SO BIG!

Read Aw, Man! Why Can’t I Have What I Want? The High-Demand Child and Children of Entitlement at my website at

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