Release destructive emotions


Handling Bullying, Name Calling and Put Downs

I Love You So Big! Blog – Lynne Namka, © 2011-13

“Mean teasing is a behavior and habit that is passed down in some families. It can be a subtle teasing or Hateful, but it is a destructive, energetic exchange that is the underpinning of bullying. When a family member practices this hurtful way of acting, all are affected. Sensitive children become frightened and the tougher-minded children internalize the right to be cruel to others. – Lynne Namka

Bullying is a boundary issue that comes from entitlement beliefs of “I have the right to hurt you so that I can feel good”

Transgressing others’ rights to be safe to get secret satisfaction is the dynamic that keeps bullying continuing. ”Bulling hurts. I know as members of my family experienced sarcasm and hurtful remarks justified as humor from my grandfather. Teasing was done mostly to the male members of the family to “toughen them up” but it had disastrous effects that continue now seventy years later. Over the years, I observed how my grandfather’s sarcasm affected the personalities of different family members which is now being played out in the great grandchildren. And when an eighth grade classmate confronted me on my teasing, I had to address it in myself. Busted! The right to taunt and tease others had become a family legacy I couldn’t afford. Doing The Emotional Freedom Technique on myself about my unhealthy need to tease others helped me break this hurtful family heritage.

Children are told to just ignore bullies but that is so hard to do because it is a passive act. I prefer an action approach that actually empowers the child.

Bullying, Name Calling, Put Downs

Bullying is a boundary issue that comes from entitlement beliefs of “I have the right to hurt you so that I can feel good.” Talk with your children who is being harassed so that he or she feels empowered by using Helper Words and Self-Talk

Here are some ideas from one of my lesson plans on how to talk with your child who is being harassed so that he or she feels empowered. Bad names and ugly words are called Put Downs. Put Downs are things that people say when they feel bad inside and want you to feel bad too.

Use this dialogue to give your child strong visual imagery and some Self-Talk statements on how to create inner strength for protection from ugly words

  • You can learn to control your upset feelings when someone is trying to make you feel bad. Keep your power by keeping your control.
  • Don’t let them see you looking angry or scared.
  • Act bored. Roll your eyes and look disgusted. Start breathing deeply and hang loose.
  • Pretend that what the person is saying is the most boring thing in the world.
  • Don’t give away your power by showing that they bother you.

Shield Yourself from the Negative Words from Others

  • Imagine you have a magic shield that surrounds you and protects you.
  • What would you make your shield from?  Iron? Acrylic? Gold? Angel wings?
  • Your shield can be a force field with you in the middle protected from negative energy.
  • When someone tries to throw negative energy at you, put up your shield.
  • Take a deep breath and that negative energy bounce off your shield!
  • Push those Put Downs away so they bounce right off your shield.

Practice Shielding Yourself from Negative Energy

  • Close your eyes and feel being powerful inside your shield.
  • See the shield all around you going up to the Universe and down to the center of the earth.
  • Make yourself stronger than any ugly words
  • Pretend someone is calling you bad names.
  • Push those Put Downs away with your shield!
  • You can choose whether you catch the ugly words and put them in your heart or mind or let them slide away.
  • Let mean words fall off your shield.

Use Helper Words to Make Yourself Invincible to Put Down

  • Invincible means that you are so strong inside that Put Downs don’t bother you!
  • You are powerful and you don’t allow mean words to hurt you!
  • Remember that someone can hurt you with their words only if you agree to let them.
  • What ugly names have you been called? What are the hurting words for you? How do you feel when someone says that to you? Why do you think people use Put Downs?

Be a Teflon Kid–Let Ugly Words Just Slide Right Off You!

  • You know what Velcro is, right? Don’t be a Velcro Kid with ugly words sticking onto you. You need not catch something just because someone throws it at you. If someone threw you a porcupine, would you catch it? How about a slime ball?  You can choose what you catch.
  • You don’t have to feel bad when someone tries to throw yucky words at you! Don’t catch name calling and ugly words. Don’t take Put Downs into your heart and body!
  • Let negative messages run off your back like a duck lets water run off its back. Deflect negative energy just as Wonder Woman deflects bullets with her wrist bands.
  • Stop, stop, don’t you see! No Put Downs for you or me! I won’t call you ugly names, No bad words can ever hurt me!

Things to Think About When Someone Tries to Throw Put Downs on You

  • What do you need to do?
  • How can you take care of yourself?
  • Remember to stop your own tongue from using Put Downs back.
  • Did you remember to use firm words?
  • Show respect for all living things.

Self Talk or Helper Words can Make You Invincible to Put Downs

  • Invincible means that you are so strong inside that Put Downs don’t bother you!
  • You are powerful so mean words can’t hurt you!
  • Helper words are things that you say to yourself to help you out of a bad situation.
  • Helper Words help you focus on problem solving, instead of getting caught up in feeling bad inside.

Talk to Yourself! Use your Helper Words to stay safe

  • I feel good about stopping myself from using Put Downs.
  • I make myself strong inside so Put Downs do not get to me.
  • I feel good about speaking up for myself when others use Put Downs.
  • I protect myself from Put Downs when someone’s Put Down part is out.
  • My using Put Downs back doesn’t solve my problem. Problem solving solves problems.
  • People who feel bad about themselves often say Put Downs. I don’t have to feel be ashamed just because someone to make me feel bad too.

Helper Words To Stop Put Downs:

  • I stop using Put Downs. I feel good about myself.
  • I use a loud, firm voice to tell someone to stop using Put Downs.
  • If someone uses Put Downs with my friend, I tell him to stop.

Teach the positive moral values of kindness and altruism. Model it for your young charges and get them involved in volunteer work and helping others. Talk to your children about how they can create positive school and neighborhood environments if they stick together to combat meanness. Parents who help their child learn better ways to cope with their anger are less likely to have children who bully. So talk it up. State your values, positive ones of course. We can help children learn the motto: “Kindness Spoken Here!”

For more articles about bullying for children and adults go to Having experienced both sides of bullying as a child, I’ve take a special interest in helping others overcome it—both the victim and the bully. I’ve written several articles, a curriculum for parents and teachers and several FLASH videos which are available at my web site.

Help other families with this important social issue by passing on this information. My free FLASH interactive video, It’s Not Okay To Feel Good by Making Others Feel Bad, is on You Tube. It also is on my website at

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