Release destructive emotions


Bully Proofing Your Child Part 2

I Love You So Big! Blog- Lynne Namka, © 2011-13

Shame is a message about the self esteem that hits in the pit of the stomach. It is global in nature and says, “You are bad. You are different.” It happens when you feel threatened to the very core of who you are. Shame rears its ugly head when there is a threat and you feel helpless, humiliated and dehumanized.” – Lynne Namka

We hate to feel bad! Shame is a fear-based internal state accompanied by feelings of being unworthy and unlovable. Shame conjures up brief, intense painful feelings of mortification due to being seen as inadequate.

Shame feelings are a threat to the integrity of the self. It keeps us caught in fear of being found out by others. The perceived deficit is so humiliating that the person goes to all lengths to hide the flawed self.

bully proofing, shame, embarrassment, anger, feelings, guilt

Shame is a fear-based internal state and conjures up brief, intense painful feelings of being seen as inadequate and embarrassment. Here’s a bully proofing dialogue technique you can use to help your child release the feelings of shame that always accompany being bullied.

Psychologist Ronald Potter-Efron says to challenge the five core messages child get from shame after a humiliating experience that send them into self-loathing and feeling worthless. 1.) You’re no good. 2.) You aren’t good enough. 3.) You’re unlovable. 4.) You don’t belong. 5.) You shouldn’t be. These are lies that were thrown on you by someone else and your own feelings of helplessness.

Use “Pull Outs” to help Release Shame and Other Bad Feelings

Here’s a dialogue and a nifty technique you can use to help your child release the feelings of shame that always accompany being bullied. Talking about something that bothers him and then doing a release technique can have a tremendous relief value. Make time for your child and get him or her talking. You might not know about the bad feelings if you don’t ask!

What ugly names have you been called that make you hurt inside?
How do you feel when someone says that to you
How did you feel?

Sometimes bad words and ideas get stuck in your body or mind.
Think about the names you’ve been called.
Breathe deeply and check your body to find where you feel tense.
Where do you store those bad feelings in your body? Check your brain, heart or stomach.
Use your imagination to pull out feelings of anger, sadness, embarrassment, guilt and shame.

Think of feeling sad and hurt. Find these feelings in your body. Are they in your stomach or brain?
These feelings are negative energy from someone else. You don’t have to keep them.
What color and shape does the sadness and hurt take?
Close your eyes, take deep breaths and reach down with your hands and pull those bad feelings out.
This is called a Pull Out! Use your imagination and Pull Outs to release sad and bad feelings.
Bad feelings don’t belong in your body! Pull them out and throw them away.
Use your wonderful imagination and keep pulling them out until they are all gone.

Pulling Out Shame and Embarrassment

Find your feelings of embarrassment, humiliation and feeling ashamed.
What color and shape are these feelings?
Make a picture of them with your imagination.
Start to breathe and release the bad feelings. Pull them out and throw them away.
Don’t just read this. Come on. Pretend and pull bad feelings out until they are all gone.
Use your wonderful imagination to see the feelings coming out for this to work.
Throw the bad feelings somewhere safe.

Find Your Anger at Being Bullied and Throw It Out!

What color are your angry feelings? Anger is usually a dark color or red.
Where do you hold anger? Picture the anger in your body.
You don’t have to hold on to this bad feeling.
Breathe and use your hands to pull out the anger and throw it away.
Keep pulling the anger out until you know it is all gone.
Throw the anger away to a safe place where it can never return.

Look for Feelings of Guilt and Shame to Release

Guilt says “I did something wrong.”
Did you do anything wrong or were you just there trying to figure out what to do?
You don’t have to feel bad just because you didn’t know how to take care of yourself.

Shame says, “I am bad. I’m a bad, bad person.”
You didn’t do anything bad so you don’t need to keep these feelings of guilt and shame.
Breathe deeply. Find the feelings in your mind or body and pull them out.
Tell yourself, “I don’t have to feel bad. I didn’t do anything wrong.”

Now breathe in something wonderful to fill up the space where the bad feelings were.
Breathe in light, love and happy memories of being a strong person.
Use your marvelous imagination to fill yourself with strength and power.
Decide that no one will ever take away your power again.
Smile and tell yourself that you are stronger than any ugly words or name calling.

Use all of these ideas and you will do Bully Busting for Sure!

Read Patricia Evan’s The Verbally Abusive Relationship for more ideas about setting boundaries in abusive relationships. Click here to read more about this helpful book or check out page for additional books on Abusive Relationships.

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