Release destructive emotions


It’s Not Okay to Feel Good by Making Others Feel Bad Part 2

What to Do if You have a Bullying Problem

I Love You So Big! Blog – Lynne Namka, © 2011-13

“If you feel it or think it, it belongs to you. If you feel it or think it, you can find it and correct it … you can heal it. Treat yourself for it. It’s the responsibility of the person who holds the feeling or belief to treat it. Find the ruthless honesty to own your stuff.” – Tom Altaffer

Being a bully is not who you are. It’s just something you have learned because someone hurt you. Now you can unlearn it. You can feel good about being a person who cares about others. You can become a cool person just in being who you are—a person of courage and integrity. Using emotions releasing techniques such as the Emotional Freedom Technique can help stop your bullying behavior.

bully behavior, eft, emotional freedom technique, feel bad

Being a bully is not who you are. It’s just something you have learned because someone hurt you. Now you can unlearn it using the Emotional Freedom Technique can help stop your bullying behavior.

The Emotional Freedom Technique and Stopping Bully Behavior

You can use The Emotional Freedom Technique to feel better about yourself.

Do a Karate Chop by tapping on the outside of one hand down from your pinkie finger with the fingers of your other hand.

Do this Karate Chop while you think about your problem of someone hurting you.

  • Say out loud, “Even though someone hurt me and I felt bad, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I learned to bully, I’m a good person in other ways.”

Your problem of hurting others is not who you are. Bullying is not you. It’s just something you learned. Take a deep breath and be courageous. Own your unhealthy, hurtful behavior so you can let it go! Say your problem and then say something good about yourself. You can’t do this wrong. Make it up. You’ll get it right.

eft, emotional freedom technique, angriesout chart

The Emotional Freedom Techniques ™ (EFT) are a set of exciting self-help acupressure procedures you can learn to use on yourself to decrease stress, fears, anxiety, grief, trauma issues and the frustration of living with illness.

Tap between your eyebrows with both hands.

Think of a time when someone called you names.

Tap between your eyebrows and say these positive words to let the bad feelings go.

  • Say out loud, “Even though I was bullied and couldn’t defend myself, I forgive myself.”
  • Even though someone hurt me, I’m still a good kid just as I am.”
  • Remember how bad you felt. Use both hands to tap between your eyebrows about ten times. Say the following sentences while you tap and breathe DEEPLY!

Tap on outside your eyes on your temples with both hands. Tap and breathe deeply

  • Say while you tap, “Even though I felt angry when someone teased me, I’m still a good kid.”
  • Say, “Even though I felt humiliated when someone called me names, I like who I am.”
  • Say, “Even though I felt hurt and embarrassed when someone picked on me, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, I can do this to feel better about myself!

Tap under your eyes using both hands.

  • Say, “Even though I enjoy being bad and rebellious at times, I’m still an okay kid.”
  • Say, “Even though I felt good when I said hurtful things, I find better ways to feel good about myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I hurt someone so I could feel powerful, I am still a good kid some of the time.”

Tap on your cheekbones with both hands.

Think about being mean to someone. Take a big breath. Read the words out loud and take a breath. Think of another time you hurt someone. Keep tapping.

Tap under your nose. Forgiving yourself helps you make the decision to be different in the future.

  • Say and tap, “Even though I felt superior when I put someone down, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I showed off and put someone down in front of others, I accept myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I feel bad about being mean to someone, I forgive myself.”

Tap and breathe to blow bad feelings out.

Tap on your chin under your lips.

  • Say out loud, “Even though I dished out anger and mean words, I CHOOSE to change.”
  • Say, “Even though I’ve hurt others with my words and actions, I CHOOSE to be nicer to others.”
  • Say, “Even though I’m ashamed of my behavior, I CHOOSE to learn from it and move on!”

Tap on your chin under your lip and say the words with ENTHUSIAM!

Tap on your collarbones.

  • Say, “Even though I was scared when someone hurt me, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I tried to show how smart I was by my teasing, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I felt insecure when I was teased and learned to tease others, I can stop!”

You know what to do. Say the words with meaning and tap to feel better about yourself so you can achieve REAL power. Tap on your collarbones and forgive yourself.

Tap on your ribs on your chest.

  • Say, “Even though I got angry and passed that anger on to someone else, I accept myself.”
  • Say, “Even though I was hurt and angry and wanted revenge, I own up to my mistake.”
  • Say, “Even though I still want to use my anger to force others to do what I want, I let it go.”

Keep tapping and owning your negative feelings and behavior. Say the words on the screen out loud.

  • Tap and say, “Even though I was mean and scared someone, I forgive myself.”
  • Say, “Even though being bullied made me insecure and I did the same thing to others, I’m okay.”
  • Say, “Even though I’ve been a bully, I CHOOSE to be a caring person.”
  • Forgive yourself for doing what was done to you.

Tap on the inside of the little finger at the nail.

  • Think again about feeling pleased with yourself for teasing or harassing someone.
  • Say, “Even though I’ve done things that made others cry, I forgive myself so that I can change.”
  • Smile and say, “I can feel good about stopping putting others down.”
  • Smile and say, “I’ll feel proud of myself when I stop hurting others.”

Tap on the inside of your little finger. Take the deepest breath you can. Make a decision to stop yourself when you get the urge to tease or be mean to someone.

Be a Person of Integrity and Good Character

  • Character is how you define yourself. It’s never too late to develop a good character!
  • A person of good character knows right from wrong and has a good reputation.
  • People who have integrity and strength of character are proud of themselves.
  • They are able to put themselves in another person’s shoes to understand how they feel.

Choices! It’s about Choices! Now You Know your Choices!

  • I tap and CHOOSE to unlearn what I’ve learned about hurting others.
  • I tap and CHOOSE to let go of bully behavior.
  • I tap and CHOOSE to stop passing the hurt on to others.
  • I tap and CHOOSE to have strength of character!
  • I tap and CHOOSE to feel proud of myself!

Still upset? Think of another time when you were bullied or when you were mean to someone and go back and do the tapping again. Do The Emotional Freedom Technique as many times as you need to shake out those bully beliefs and behavior. Keep at it! If this doesn’t help you, talk to your folks about getting some counseling.

You Can Do It! You can Stop your Bully Behavior!

  • Stop imitating someone who was mean to you.
  • Find better ways to feel good about yourself than hurting by others.
  • Smile and say, “I CHOOSE to stop feeling good by making others feel bad!”
  • I CHOOSE to stop dishing out hurtful words.
  • I’ll break the bullying habit and feel good about myself for REAL!

Smile and let go of your identity as a bully. Don’t pass the hurt on. Be cool. Apologize to those you have hurt. Say you are sorry, change your hurtful behavior and get on with your life.

  • Learn about why you have the need to be cruel.
  • Make the decision to stop harassing others. Become a people friendly person!
  • Find people to talk to who believe in you as a good person.
  • Look for a positive role model or a mentor who is willing to spend time with you.
  • Mentors are older kids or adults who take an interest in you and look out for you
  • If you have been hurt, don’t pass it on. Stop passing bully behavior down to others.
  • Break the chain of bullying from bigger kid to smaller kid.
  • Break into the self-centered need to feel good at the expense of hurting others.
  • You can feel soooooooo good about yourself when you turn yourself into a caring person!
  • Emotional support is important when you find yourself doing things that are hurtful to others.
  • Ask for help in turning over a new leaf.
  • You might have to try several times before you find someone who will make the time for you.
  • Keep trying to become a better person! Make it happen!

Do a web search on The Emotional Freedom Technique or the Tapping Technique to find a diagram where the points are to tap on. There are many different web sites that teach this approach, including our website at

Invest in the New Cool-Yourself-Down Techniques

I Love You So Big! Blog – Lynne Namka, © 2011-13  

“The Energy Psychology techniques release feelings through the use of touch, tapping or eye movements to balance the body shift the meaning of a bad experience. The energy techniques help the mind and body return to the state of homeostasis after feeling stressed or threatened.” – Lynne Namka

Self-soothing is an important skill in learning to work with the stressors that children and we all feel. We all need techniques of self-soothing. One of the most important things you can learn to bring harmony to your home is to teach your children how to calm their central nervous systems by self-soothing. Another important thing is for you to learn the new Energy Psychology techniques. They are quick and easy to learn and use to release feelings and get back to your calm, loving self. You can learn these innovative approaches yourself and then teach them to your children. Your household will be much calmer if each person is made responsible for taking care of their own disconcerting and unruly feelings!

calming techniques, self-soothing, eft, emdr, breathing, minfullness, mediation, Tapas Acupressure Technique

One of the most important things you can learn to bring harmony to your home is to teach your children how to calm their central nervous systems by self-soothing. Give EFT, EMDR, breathing and meditation a try.

The Emotional Freedom Technique

Acupressure by tapping or rubbing your body is a form of self massage that feels good. Tapping briskly on your body when you are upset gets your energy moving and helps you relax. The Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) combines acupressure with counteracting negative thoughts, owning the problem and forgiving yourself. EFT helps calm down the fight or flight response by balancing your brain hemispheres. It helps desensitize triggers that make you angry or frightened and helps release strong emotions, negative thoughts and anxiety. There are many web sites that feature EFT. Try Googling “the tapping technique.”

Deep Breathing

When you are scared, you probably contract your body and hold your breath to try to squish the feelings in order to keep from feeling bad. Pulling your body in tight and stopping your breath keeps you from getting good oxygen to deal with whatever upsets you. Breathing helps calm the fight, flight or freeze reaction that you can go into when stressed. Deep breathing helps bring you back to where you can think more clearly and reason. Any time you have a family crisis moment, tell your children to stop and have a deep breathing time so you can problem solve together.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR)

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) is a technique for releasing old trauma and negative beliefs. This tool helps release stressful and uncomfortable emotions stored away in the body and mind. EMDR is helpful in releasing uncomfortable memories of being criticized, embarrassed and shamed by others as well as being unmotivated or stuck on certain emotionally stressful issues. Through the eyes shifting back and forth while focusing on a problem, feeling or inner body states, old repressed feelings come to the surface and are released. If you feel overwhelmed and anxious much of the time or have unresolved trauma in your past, find a therapist who can do this fantastic stress management technique with you.

Mindfulness and Meditation

Mindfulness is keeping your attention on what is happening in the moment. You just watch how you inhale and exhale and observe the thoughts as they come and go. You calm yourself by focusing on your breath until the negative emotion leaves. Just watch the events and emotions as they come up instead of reacting to them. The focus shifts to just being the neutral observer of the events. Stop the knee-jerk reactions and keep your mind in neutral!

The Tapas Acupressure Technique

The Tapas Acupressure Technique (TAT) is a simple method that helps people get in touch with and release information about what is bothering them by holding certain points on the forehead and back of the neck with their fingers while focusing on an issue. With this technique, the front and back of the brain are connected and brain rhythms become more balanced as you go through steps to release your issue.

It’s a Tough World Out There. Make it less Tough on Yourself!

Stop and ponder on these two questions: Who would you be now if you had learned how to handle destructive arousal when you were young? How would your life be different if you had learned to read other people and their agendas early in life?  With sufficient practice and determination, you can learn to modulate your emotions. It’s not enough to know these techniques—you have to do them continually to make them an instinctive habit instead of going into flooding and stupid behavior! Practice makes permanent!

Learning to deal effectively with your feelings is a life-long process. Using these techniques daily to reduce the arousal that comes up when you are upset helps you grow emotionally, psychologically and spiritually. You are as mature as you are able to take responsibility for our own thoughts, feelings and behavior! As I tell myself, “What better thing do I have to do with my life than do what it takes to become the best person that I can be?”

Lynne Namka, Ed. D. is a mom, grandma and a psychologist in private practice in Tucson, AZ. She is the author of The Doormat Syndrome, The Quick Anger Make Over plus Twenty Cutting Edge Techniques to Release Anger and Teaching Emotional Intelligence to Children and other books. Her award winning web site is at

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