Release destructive emotions

 

What Youngsters Really Want

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-12

“Success is not measured by the position one has reached in life, rather by the obstacles overcome while trying to succeed.” – Booker T. Washington

What do we really want for our children? What I wanted and got was that my children become happy, productive and kind individuals who use their lives to develop loving relationships and contribute to our world. It is such a blessing to have my children grown and doing well in our complicated world.

And today’s children? What do they want? Children want someone to believe in them so they can believe in themselves. There are seven secrets regarding having healthy emotions and raising a successful super kid! You can teach these secrets to your child to prepare him to deal with our challenging world.

In the next few blogs, I’ll be discussing each idea in detail. If you use these ideas yourself, you will be a clear-minded parent and happier-all-around person.

  1. Character Counts! Develop a strong character with values that support making good choices to create success.
  2. Feelings are for Learning: Learn to understand, talk about and own negative feelings instead of acting them out.
  3. Cool Down, Chill Out and Kick Back: Learn stress management and anger management skills.
  4. Talk Back to Back Talk: Identify and confront irrational thinking errors.
  5. Go For It! Learn self-motivation and set high standards for tasks.
  6. Accentuate the Positive: Discover the important things life and avoid the seduction of superficiality and unhealthy addictions.
  7. To Thine Own Self Be True: Develop a sense of self, spirituality and being a part of a larger community and world.

Your family can practice the tools of working effectively with feelings. You can really learn to work with your negative feelings to release them. Here’s what I said in my book on anger management, Your Quick Anger Makeover Plus Twenty Other Cutting-Edge Techniques to Release Anger!

“Negative feelings are transitory; they come and go unless you feed them with unhappy, anxious or angry thoughts. If you give them too much fuel, it is like throwing kerosene on a fire. If you learn to just sit with feelings and hang out without judging them, they lose their power over you.”

Get a free ebook version of Your Quick Anger Makeover Plus Twenty Other Cutting-Edge Techniques to Release Anger! Go to www.TimeToLoveYourself.com and sign up for our newsletter.

This and all of my blogs can be reprinted as long as it is for non-commercial purposes only. You have my permission to pass this information on to others who want loving ideas on raising children.

Help! The Aliens have Stolen my Child and let me with a Changeling!

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-12   

“My teenagers are not human. They are ungrateful machines of discontent. I need all the help I can get to make it through these years in one piece.” – Overheard at the beauty shop by a parent of a 14-year old and a 16 year old

Parents, are you in the throes of the Terrible Teen Trenches and it is not pretty? Or are you gearing up for those years when your little darlings hit adolescence? Some parents have it lucky. They escape the Dreaded Attitude Years and the Terrible Teens and have little darlings who do not give them any lip. But, if you are having parenting meltdowns, this is not been your case. Sorry about that. It happens as children grown up; sometimes in the best of families.

Chances are you have had a child (formerly known as agreeable and loving) who is pushing the limits of acceptable behavior. Or a kid that would act up now and then, but largely was pretty agreeable. Watch out when puberty hits! Overnight or little by little, your agreeable darling has turned into a foul-talking alien who looks down on you when you ask him to be reasonable!

The ages of 11 to 18 sneak up on you without warning. The bad news is that all babies, toddlers and even the sweetest of children, grow up. You have no choice here. Puberty hits big time. Sometimes it slowly comes about or it happens over night, but there you are, you of all people, being the parent of that hard-to-understand group of all times – adolescents. Yes, you do have to go through these challenging teen years. There are not ifs, ands or buts about it.

Even though you want your kids to just stop this teenage stuff and go straight to age 21, it won’t happen. Why can’t you just give them a fast forward pill? Noooo! You’ve got to get through these unsettling years. It is your turn to be a parent of that species known as a teenager with your ending up with huge bouts of doubts about what to do. Your challenge during these years of confusion, if you care to accept it, is to continue to teach your positive values which will help your child gain a successful future.

The take-away message here from someone who has raised three successful children and now works with troubled children as a psychologist is you need get some skills quickly to deal with the teen-age roller coaster years. You need some new tools quick! The old rules of parenting which worked previously change as your child grows older. Parenting your tween or teen becomes a brand new ball game. She or he is sweet and lovable one moment, then boom! Out of the blue you are dealing with a young person you hardly know. Too often it is no more Mr. or Miss Nice Kid! The tween and teen years can be ones of wretched excess as your child tries on different roles and ways of acting. Your child may, at times, become impolite, ungracious, ill mannered, uncivil, impertinent and even inconsiderate. At times, he may actually be that loving angel that you brought home from the hospital.

What happened to that loving, malleable child you used to have? Have the Aliens really kidnapped your congenial child and left you a Changeling? When your child acts in unworldly behavior, you may feel so unnerved that you want to scream to that alien-like face standing there before you saying, “What have you done with my child? Give me back my child!” You stand there discombobulated. “Who is this person? I don’t even know this kid!”

So this is the time to step back, take a deep, deep breath and educate yourself to the hilt with information on how to make it with the Years of the Attitude. Yes, there is a well-traveled path through this treacherous territory.

I tell distressed parents that they should take a parenting course when their oldest child is two years old and then a second on parenting teens. And I suggest reading lots of books on making it through the teen years as a parent. Here’s some I especially like:

  • Teenage Years, A Parent’s Survival Guide and Purrfect Parenting by Beverley Guhl
  • Reality Therapy by William Glasser
  • The One-Minute Mother and The One-Minute Father by Kenneth Blanchard and Spencer Johnson
  • Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay
  • How to Talk So Your Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
  • Get Out of My Life, but First Could you Drive me and Cheryl to the Mall? by Anthony Wolf
  • Positive Discipline for Teenagers: Empowering Your Teen and Yourself through Kind and Firm Parenting by Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott

And if you don’t like to read books but want down-to-earth ideas, then go for Teenage Years, A Parent’s Survival Guide by Beverly Guhl which uses cartoons to teach parents how to cope. It is the sequel to her book Purrfect Parenting which is available used on Amazon.com for one penny!

Know other parents who are challenged by the Terrible Teen Years? Send this blog on to those who might appreciate having some support. We all need support!

Success for Life

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-2012

“My general advice of teens is to anticipate the changes that will occur, try to find out in advance strategies that you are comfortable with and stay cool. My specific advice is to stay connected. All children, including teen-agers, need affection and attention from their parents. The problem is that teens, in order to feel grown up, pretend that they neither want or need affection and attention from their parents. But they do.” – Marilyn Heins

What does it take for a young person to succeed in today’s world? Children growing up in the world of today face far greater challenges than those in generations past. Who gets it all? Who are the winners and losers of today that create a successful life in the major areas – family, spouse, friends, career, health, leisure and a spiritual base?

So who are these successful kids? Those who have their priorities straight, have strong social skills to deal with the stressful things that happen in life and a strong sense of identity of themselves as a good person. That’s who! Successful young people in life have positive character traits. They have internalized a moral code for doing the right thing in questionable situations. They have Emotional Intelligence, which is the ability to understand their feelings, regulate their negative emotions and generate positive emotions to achieve a happy life.

The Goals of Adolescence

  • Shift in the ways of relating to parents to bring about separation from the home
  • Establish a personal identity and set boundaries with friends
  • Adapt to a suitable system of values regarding integrity and work ethics
  • Develop attitudes and values towards sexuality, alcohol and drugs
  • Choose interests and hobbies, which may lead to career choices
  • Finding an new and mature identity with their parents
  • Develop a greater capacity for intimacy and start the dating process to find a mate

Adolescence is such an important time of life as young people start to solidify the decisions of how they will live their life. It is a time of identity seeking and trying on different hats to see who they are. They move through phases and fads and discard ideas and postures that do not fit them. They try on different friends, new ideas, ways of acting and experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. This experimenting time of life is normal.

You can remember how you did things you hoped your parents would never find out and somehow you survived. You matured out of those crazy ideas and activities that captured your imagination when you were a teenager. That makes you somewhat of an expert. Hopefully with your guidance and resourcefulness, your child can learn the necessary skills to navigate this difficult time.

Like what you read here? Pass it on. Pass it on to other parents who seek value positive ideas about raising children. Check out www.AngriesOut.com for more helpful articles.

To Raise a Child, You’ve Got to be Properly Taught

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-2012

“Mom sheesh! Leave me alone. Stop butting into my life. It’s none of your concern. I’m 14 years old! I don’t need you checking up on me. Just go away. Sniff, sniff. Wait! Were you bringing me cookies?!? Come back!” – Teenager in the Foxtrot cartoon

No one is born with a talent or even a knack for parenting today’s adolescent with the numerous choices and options they have. So, take a deep breath and learn some 21st century parenting skills. Become as educated as you can be at how to develop the character of your youngster so that he will have the tools for a successful life. You can get through these challenging years if you have some basic understanding of how to communicate the best of your values with that youngster you love so much and fear for.

Think of the task of getting your child through this challenging time in a cheery manner. Fortunately, this time only lasts for a few years (that is unless you have other children approaching the teen years and taking lessons from your older child on how to manipulate you to get what he want.)

Still there is light at the end of the tunnel. If you work hard to make your child independent of you, then you are set for life. If you keep giving into them, they will avoid growing up and depend on you for life. A twenty-five year old who still expects his parents to support him or bail him out of trouble is pretty pathetic. And that is what you get unless you wean your child off of your attention, cooking, laundry facilities, money and your advice.

It is a fact of life. You can expect parenting a preteen or teen to be hard work. Nothing works unless you work on it. This is not the time for you to take a job or second job if you can help it. Teenagers need someone there for them sometimes even more than younger children do.

The dream of most parents is for their child to grow up and be wiser, stronger, happier and more successful than their parents. We want our children to have more than we do–in fact to have the good life and all. But in this modern world of fast and high living, it does not happen for many young people. Today’s world of continuous change requires a set of life skills based on strong character for succeeding that are rarely taught in any curriculum.

My Parental Advice Credentials come from being a mother of three grown children who are nice, happy people contributing to their communities and the grandmother of three. I raised my children with many of these ideas gleaned from the best that psychology has to offer. I observe that parents today are having a harder time of raising children than those in my generation. Today’s children are more challenging requiring more skill on the parents’ part. It is a different world out there with many negative pulls on young people’s concept of who they are.

Also I’m a psychologist in private practice with 30 years experience working with young people, families and adults. I am the author of nine self-help books including The Mad Family Gets Their Mads Out, which is #23 on a best selling list for domestic violence and is in its fifth printing. My award-winning website on anger management, www.AngriesOut.com features over 120 articles on healthy living and appropriate anger management. See my advice column for angry children on my website called “Ask the Lady Who Knows About Mads.”

Success for Life

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-12

“My general advice of teens is to anticipate the changes that will occur, try to find out in advance strategies that you are comfortable with and stay cool. My specific advice is to stay connected. All children, including teen-agers, need affection and attention from their parents. The problem is that teens, in order to feel grown up, pretend that they neither want or need affection and attention from their parents. But they do.” – Marilyn Hein

What does it take for a young person to succeed in today’s world? Children growing up in the world of today face far greater challenges than those in generations past. Who gets it all? Who are the winners and losers of today that create a successful life in the major areas – family, spouse, friends, career, health, leisure and a spiritual base?

So who are these successful kids? Those who have their priorities straight, have strong social skills to deal with the stressful things that happen in life and a strong sense of identity of themselves as a good person. That’s who! Successful young people in life have positive character traits. They have internalized a moral code for doing the right thing in questionable situations. They have Emotional Intelligence, which is the ability to understand their feelings, regulate their negative emotions and generate positive emotions to achieve a happy life.

The Goals of Adolescence

  • Shift in the ways of relating to parents to bring about separation from the home
  • Establish a personal identity and set boundaries with friends
  • Adapt to a suitable system of values regarding integrity and work ethics
  • Develop attitudes and values towards sexuality, alcohol and drugs
  • Choose interests and hobbies which may lead to career choices
  • Finding an new and mature identity with their parents
  • Develop a greater capacity for intimacy and start the dating process to find a mate

Adolescence is such an important time of life as young people start to solidify the decisions of how they will live their life. It is a time of identity seeking and trying on different hats to see who they are. They move through phases and fads and discard ideas and postures that do not fit them. They try on different friends, new ideas, ways of acting and experiment with alcohol, drugs and sex. This experimenting time of life is normal.

You can remember how you did things you hoped your parents would never find out and somehow you survived. You matured out of those crazy ideas and activities that captured your imagination when you were a teenager. That makes you somewhat of an expert. Hopefully with your guidance and resourcefulness, your child can learn the necessary skills to navigate this difficult time.

Like what you read here? Pass it on. Pass it on to other parents who seek value positive ideas about raising children. Check out www.AngriesOut.com for more helpful articles.



 The Perfect Gift for Children in Your Life

anger management

 The Mad Family Get Their Mads Out 

Available in ebook or paperback


For Books & Curriculums
on Heathly Feelings
anger management
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