Release destructive emotions


What if Every Child Were Taught That . . .

I Love You So Big Blog! – Lynne Namka, © 2011-12

“Teach your children well …” -  Line from popular song

Feelings, especially bad ones, are just that.  As I tell the children, feelings are meant to be felt; that is why they are called feelings. Feelings come and go and can be watched and called by their name and released. Uncomfortable feelings can be self soothed by taping on your body and breathing deeply when your feel upset or hurt. That feelings of anger, disappointment and sadness can be talked about in safe ways with people who help you understand them. That fears are mice with nervous stomachs with megaphones.

Scrapes and small fixes can be gotten out of by using the old noggin to problem solve. That you are responsible for the consequences of actions and to think before speaking or acting. That learning sometimes involves making errors. That it’s okay to make a mistake if you learn from it. That taking responsibility and making amends for what you did wrong is one of the biggest boosters to self-esteem. That constructive criticism can be listened to use as a challenge to do better next time. That you can choose to love people who are problem solvers and do not sweep issues under the rug.

Failure is part of life and the determination to get up and try again is a handy tool to deal with it. That the negative dialogue with oneself after failing can be stopped. That you fail only when you give up and let failure get you down by defining yourself as a failure. That the world can be seen through the lens of optimism. That there are some things that you can change and some things that just need to be accepted.

Grownups are responsible for handling their own pain. Children need not take in the negative feelings of others.  Kids should be kids. Kids should not be expected to take care of adults who are hurting or choose to remain caught in addictions. That good help is available for those who want it and make it happen.

Prepare your children to deflect bullying words before they happen. Teach your children early on that there are people in the world who don’t feel good about themselves who use put downs and bad labels.  Unkind words can be refused and deflected rather than internalized.

Bullying is not okay. If you have a child who is mean to others or bullies, have them view my interactive video called It’s Not Okay to Feel Good by Making Others Feel Bad at To my knowledge, this is the only curriculum that approaches bullying from the point of helping the bully. It calls bullying for what it is—puffing one’s self up by putting others down and then gives an approach that helps the child stop while boosting his self-esteem at the same time.

Conflict is inevitable. That confrontation and threat can be met with techniques of fair fighting and conflict resolution. That denial of anger is a defense that sets up an unhappy life. That anger is a normal human emotion that can be expressed appropriately.

The darker aspects of yourself are part of being human and are to be understood and transformed rather than be denied or railed against. Learn to be empathetic with the darker aspects of others while holding them responsible for their cruel deeds.

You don’t always get your way, and that’s okay. That the feeling good that comes from being true to yourself. That hurting others is pseudo self-esteem. Feelings of power gained at the loss of someone else are only temporary and destructive to both involved. That personal power brings about more joy than power over others. True self esteem comes from satisfaction of living according to the Higher Self.

We are all brothers and sisters of one big family and that skin color and individual differences are to be celebrated.  That life is precious in every form and is to be respected.

You are truly a child of the God created in love to love and be loved. To get love from those who can give it and stop trying to get it from those of stone. That love is your Original Birthright. That no matter what the confusion or question, love is always the answer.

Flash! Flash! To teach children these skills, you must use them yourself!  Yes Virginia Satir, there is such a thing as functional families!


Take a moment right now and pass this blog which teaches loving discipline onto others—help spread this infusion of positive ideas for parents!

For positive ideas on working with anger, see my articles Positive Anger Skills: Be a Gentle, Loving Person Even When You Are Mad and Ways To Break Out of Anger at my website

 The Perfect Gift for Children in Your Life

anger management

 The Mad Family Get Their Mads Out 

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