Release destructive emotions

 

Welcome to the I Love You So Big Blog


Yes Virginia, There are Functional Families!

Lynne Namka, © 2011

“Virginia Satir suggests that you become aware of your expectations, yearnings and longings that precipitated your anger. The brilliance of Satir’s model on anger was to go down to the heart level past the heated words behavior, the unhealthy copings, the uncomfortable emotions and the hidden feelings under the anger to the yearnings of the heart to find what you really want.

We can learn to soften the heart and listen for our deepest longings which are always of love.” ~ Lynne Namka, Your Quick Anger Makeover Plus Twenty Other Cutting-Edge Techniques to Release Anger!

Virginia Satir, pioneer in family therapy, was the first to describe a healthy, happy family and the poor coping strategies of families caught in dysfunction. Nowadays, everyone seems to come from a dysfunctional family that dealt with the hard knocks of life by creating more confusion and pain. Of course the first dysfunctional family goes back to Cain of Cain and Abel.

Satir taught congruence and straight communication skills as a way of stopping the unhappiness that some families create down through the generations. I remember the day she charged us to go forth into the world and bring functionality to our families and to the business world. Satir changed my life around completely, allowing me to become the woman I am today.

So, what is a functional family?  Is there such a thing as a functional family?

Several years ago, I watched my daughter and her husband and their nine-month-old son during the Christmas visit. I observed as my daughter, radiant and loving as a new mother, played with her son setting firm limits and telling him no when necessary. She allowed the baby to freely explore and experience his new world as only a determined baby who has just learned to crawl can do. When he got stuck between the couch and a post, my daughter watched patiently as he cried, struggled and worked his way out. When he cried, no one shushed him or rushed over to save him.

My son-in-law, the proud father, sat on the floor with them laughing and playing with the baby and occasionally reaching over to give my daughter a hug or a kiss. The new dad rough-housed with the baby teaching him to enjoy the rough and tumble of life; his son squealed with delight. I saw how the parents disagreed over things and worked their differences through.  My son-in-law’s parents died when he was young, and his older brothers and sisters raised him. He said that this was the best Christmas of his life. Seeing the look of loving and being loved on his face and my daughter’s joy, I was honored to be a part of their first Christmas with the baby.

This is a functional family, I thought. Love, self-expression, necessary limits. Allowing feelings even the not-so–comfortable ones. Negotiation of conflict, not avoiding it or escalating it into aggression. Compromise, meeting each other’s needs while keeping one’s own self constant. The constancy of firm discipline both for the parents and children. The seeing the best in others, viewing the glass half full instead of empty. Staying true to the family’s needs for honesty and integrity.

Functionality–this is what Satir talked about–what I had been so hungry for coming from a family that did not know how to handle conflict without isolating, blaming, giving in or manipulating, which I had allowed in my own children’s lives when they were young, because it was all I knew how to do.

Then I met Virginia Satir, took her training and slowly started to clean up my act. The determination to be direct and straight in all my relationships had paid off not only in my life, but also in my children’s. Probably the best investment in life that I had ever made was those dollars spent for training with Virginia Satir. She taught me techniques to heal my own long-held-hurts from my own family pain and to deal straight with others. My children learned through my directness what they had not been taught earlier on. Now, the payoffs in good mental health continue through the next generation.

After meeting Virginia, my mission in the world became teaching people the healthy use of feelings. Nine books later, I see young families listening to children and helping them understand their challenging feelings.

Most of all let love be your guide. My book, The Mad Family Gets their Mads Out teaches the “I formula “and other healthy ways for children to express anger. Learn more at angriesout.com. It was written for four to eleven year olds but one man, aged 87, said that he wished his parents had had the book when he was young. The book is available at angriesout.com.

Welcome to the I Love You So Big Blog

How Much Do I Love You?   The So Big Blog!

 Lynne’s Loving Parenting Advice Blog

Lynne Namka, © 2011

 

Okay, who am I to give parenting advice? I’m a mom of three healthy, happy grown children, a grandma, a child psychologist working with discouraged families, a former school psychologist and a prolific writer. My mission in the world is to use my training, my experiences and my practical nature to bring the best from the world of psychology on how to become loving people direct to your homes via my writings.

I’m a person of practical ideas about how to raise healthy, happy children. We all need sensible child-raising ideas during this explosion of technology where the narcissistic, exploitive media can pull children away from the values of a happy, grounded family. Today’s parents need tools and techniques to keep children away from becoming risky, sensation-seeking behavior.

I stand for positive family-oriented values and interactions with your children. The greatest tools you can routinely apply are love, morality and reasonable consequences. I like the bible verse from Colossians 3:14 that says, “Most of all, let love guide your life.” It’s my guiding principle when I don’t know what to do. Along with this, I offer practical solutions.

And I’m an optimistic person who has years and years of studying wisdom and how to create resilient, hardy children. I know the psychology research on parenting and creating a happy partnership where little ones and the teen versions of the little ones thrive and grow.

Think of my blog as a weekly boot camp for parents! No, I don’t have all the answers, but I do have ideas to get you to think about what you are doing daily with your children and how to do it better. And I can be quite tough for those of you considering throwing in the towel and letting your children run amuck because you no longer know what to do.

My weekly ideas just might help to keep you sane during those hormonally-charged, get-out-of-my-face teen years that some youngsters unfortunately go through. Like the old philosophers, I always say that “Knowledge is Power” and advocate getting all the best parenting information you can for your most important product—your children!

You literally can contribute happiness or havoc in your child by your actions, your expectations and your reactions to his or her misbehavior. Think of me as a wise Old Dutch aunt or grandma who’s been there and done it right somehow (my proof in the pudding is my three beautiful inside and out grown children who now have families of their own.) I’m in my early seventies gained enhanced wisdom from working with families with troubles for the past thirty years.

Positive—it’s all positive as I am. I’ll empower you by giving weekly positive ideas so your child feels loved while giving ideas about firm discipline. My goal is to help you help your child to become a loving, giving-back human being.

That’s really what we want for our children.



 The Perfect Gift for Children in Your Life

anger management

 The Mad Family Get Their Mads Out 

Available in ebook or paperback


For Books & Curriculums
on Heathly Feelings
anger management
Check out
www.AngriesOut.com